My original goal with this blog was to keep track of my homeschooling successes and challenges. Well, that seems kind of a pointless endeavor now. I mean, I am still "homeschooling" but I feel as if all of the wind is out of my sails now. I don't know what to do. I have to get out of this angry, frustrated, mad at "the world" funk before I can be an effective mother or homeschooler.
So...
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Thursday, October 20, 2011
On a Happier Note....
I got a visit from some sweet ladies in my neighborhood today, wishing me a happy birthday. "Oh yeah!!!" I thought...standing there in my pajamas at 11:30 in the morning, with dishpan hands and my knotty hair in a bun, "I should be celebrating!" I was celebrating, I suppose, by locating my house under the piles of yuck and clods of ew. Ta-daaaa! It's a house again! (I was starting to think it might never be recognizable as a house again.)
So, my post for today is about my happiest birthday. (Well, the first one I think of due to it's recentness anyway, so no offense intended to my family who surely put in lots of effort every year around this time.)
Last year, I said good-bye to some very good friends in July. These were people I saw on a daily basis. We homeschooled our kids together, as kind of a co-op, but it was more than that. We did EVERYTHING together. And then they moved. My heart was broken into smithereens, and I wondered how I would survive. (I have though...see? It's been over a year already.)
On my birthday last year, a ginormous RV (named Rudy), rolled in, filled with Birthday wishers, a whole family of them. I know they weren't here JUST for me, but they sure made me feel like they were. And boy, was it ever good to see them.
We spent the day doing fun things like going to a craft show, where we ate a brownie for lunch. That's birthday fare for sure!
They showered me with gifts: my littlest friend, age 4 at the time, gave me some beautiful artwork and a gorgeous rose ring. It lives in a place of honor, on my computer desk, even now. I treasure it very much. And another one of the children, my son's best friend, created some custom Aluminum Foil men for me, which I also treasure. One is a bicycle rider, and the other is a bowman. Both are wonderful miniatures, and they adorn my dining room in all of their silvery glory. He also gave me a geode that he found, which I absolutely love. It meant so much that he thought to share such a rare treasure with me! There were more thoughtful gifts, I won't list them all, because that is not my focus, although they helped me to feel the true spirit of the moment.
What was that spirit? A celebration of the day I came to be. What a sacred celebration indeed. As human beings, we don't often celebrate ourselves. But we should. We are sons and daughters of the most divine Being. We are destined to be like Him. He is the giver of birthdays!
Our days are so filled up with mundane tasks...we pay bills, we run errands, we work our bums off to survive, but we very rarely celebrate life. We live it, but we don't celebrate it. That is silly. We should celebrate the sun rising, and the buds on the trees in Spring, and the leaves falling to the ground in Fall. We should celebrate our autonomic nervous system, that allows us to breathe without thought. We should celebrate grass between our toes, a wonderful book, a masterpiece of any kind.
I celebrate chocolate regularly, but really......
My friends made an effort to make my birthday special last year. Down to the last second of the day, when we shared dinner and laughed until our bellies cramped up. I can't even express how much love I felt. It wasn't the stuff they gave me, it was that they put the effort into thinking about what might make me feel special. And, I guess, even though it wasn't about the stuff...every time I bake bread in my Amish Bread Pans, or slice a tomato with my cool silver knife, I remember my friends, and all of our cherished memories.
Thank you, friends, for celebrating me. I miss you.
So, my post for today is about my happiest birthday. (Well, the first one I think of due to it's recentness anyway, so no offense intended to my family who surely put in lots of effort every year around this time.)
Last year, I said good-bye to some very good friends in July. These were people I saw on a daily basis. We homeschooled our kids together, as kind of a co-op, but it was more than that. We did EVERYTHING together. And then they moved. My heart was broken into smithereens, and I wondered how I would survive. (I have though...see? It's been over a year already.)
On my birthday last year, a ginormous RV (named Rudy), rolled in, filled with Birthday wishers, a whole family of them. I know they weren't here JUST for me, but they sure made me feel like they were. And boy, was it ever good to see them.
We spent the day doing fun things like going to a craft show, where we ate a brownie for lunch. That's birthday fare for sure!
They showered me with gifts: my littlest friend, age 4 at the time, gave me some beautiful artwork and a gorgeous rose ring. It lives in a place of honor, on my computer desk, even now. I treasure it very much. And another one of the children, my son's best friend, created some custom Aluminum Foil men for me, which I also treasure. One is a bicycle rider, and the other is a bowman. Both are wonderful miniatures, and they adorn my dining room in all of their silvery glory. He also gave me a geode that he found, which I absolutely love. It meant so much that he thought to share such a rare treasure with me! There were more thoughtful gifts, I won't list them all, because that is not my focus, although they helped me to feel the true spirit of the moment.
What was that spirit? A celebration of the day I came to be. What a sacred celebration indeed. As human beings, we don't often celebrate ourselves. But we should. We are sons and daughters of the most divine Being. We are destined to be like Him. He is the giver of birthdays!
Our days are so filled up with mundane tasks...we pay bills, we run errands, we work our bums off to survive, but we very rarely celebrate life. We live it, but we don't celebrate it. That is silly. We should celebrate the sun rising, and the buds on the trees in Spring, and the leaves falling to the ground in Fall. We should celebrate our autonomic nervous system, that allows us to breathe without thought. We should celebrate grass between our toes, a wonderful book, a masterpiece of any kind.
I celebrate chocolate regularly, but really......
My friends made an effort to make my birthday special last year. Down to the last second of the day, when we shared dinner and laughed until our bellies cramped up. I can't even express how much love I felt. It wasn't the stuff they gave me, it was that they put the effort into thinking about what might make me feel special. And, I guess, even though it wasn't about the stuff...every time I bake bread in my Amish Bread Pans, or slice a tomato with my cool silver knife, I remember my friends, and all of our cherished memories.
Thank you, friends, for celebrating me. I miss you.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
I seem to have misplaced my box
So, for months I have had this blog in my heart. It is only just coming to fruition, and mostly only because I have suffered some level of personal trauma this past week, and I find myself desperate for an outlet of some sort.
Here is my rant this week. Prepare yourself, it's a doozy.
I am plagued this week with the perspectives of other people. I am tired of being made to look like a fool...like a person with poor mothering skills. However, if your perspective is that public school is the only place that a person can gain an education, then it is very difficult to see the merits of one who chooses to homeschool. It seems that I am one of the proverbial crabs in a bucket, and all of the other mothers around me find themselves very pleased that I have "finally" put my daughter in public school. I feel very much like a crab pulled back into "my place." But I have a bone to pick:
1) The premise behind government run schools is to create a mindless, brainless, uncreative society, in which freedom and even the desire for freedom is squashed and killed slowly. The leaders of this country, for the last several generations do not want thinkers in their midst. They want (and are creating) robots to follow their rules without questioning them. Their motive is to control us. Are they finding success at this endeavor? You better believe it, baby. Children in mainstream public schools are taught exactly what to think, they are kept in prison-like environments, they are denied the freedom to think and do. And yet our society depends on them so heavily that a person who chooses to keep their children home for school is mocked and ridiculed to a certain extent. Every conversation is riddled with accusing questions. I can't even count the number of times I have had to defend my choice.
2) Which brings me to this point: Is it not my right, as the mother of my children, to have the desire to keep them by my side? Is it so alien to love their company? How can that be wrong? shame on those mothers who say they are glad when their kids go to school. God sent them to YOU and only you to raise. Not to teachers. Not to school districts. Not to churches...YOU. You have a responsibility to them. You have a responsibility to GOD. Do not abdicate your rights as a parent. do not give it over to the state. What do you really need to do that is more important than bringing your children up right? It is not our job, moms, to make money, so stay home if you have the option. It is the ultimate calling, challenge, happiness and love to give your whole self to your children. And the world would be a better place if our children were schooled in life's many skills by those who loved them most.
3) You know, back to the crab in a bucket idea: my 12 year old daughter has been made to feel left out and invisible because she was not public schooled. In her mind now, in order to fit in you must conform, and it is what she wants to do more than anything in the world. She has been alienated, ignored and has not felt as welcome as she should. Is this how we really want our society to be? Do we shun those who are not like us? What if she was missing a limb? Or what if she couldn't hear? Do we then find justification to leave her out? Where are the kind of youth I read and hear about who sacrifice their imagined social standing to take in a friend who is wheelchair ridden or can not speak for themselves? Are we lacking youth who will create bridges of love and communication? Are prom night and fake fingernails all that really matters? How shallow have we become as a people?
4) That being said, I realize that her perspective is what matters in this case, as well. She believes that happiness will come at public school because all of her peers, in their limited perspectives, insist that, "OMG! School is so fun! The guys are so HOT! My butt looks so cute in these jeans! LOL. TTYL!" She is poisoned by the society that surrounds her. She longs for acceptance into a cult of vapid, boy-crazy adolescents. The media, the girls in her world, even some of her family members have made her feel like she is missing out on something essential to her upbringing...but in reality: are teenage girls really who she needs to be around as she forms her self-image? Is that really the best society for her? In my experience, girls at ages 12, 13 and 14 are cruel, self-centered, very crab-like. They rarely want to help each other feel good or succeed at anything. They are scarcity minded, and not very likely to remind her that she is a precious Daughter of God. Rather, she will find herself slinging mud, feeling fatter than so and so, or uglier than whats-her-name. She will be depressed if her shoes are not name brand or if she doesn't get asked on a date when her "friend" does. Being a female adolescent is a loveless, thankless station. It seems dangerous to me to entrust her with others who suffer from the same challenges as she will be. Alas, I believe in her freedom to choose, and I must practice that which I preach.
5) What would the world be like if homeschoolers were respected for their choice, and people who sent their kids to the public schools were likewise able to do what they believed was right? I have worked long and hard, fighting tooth and nail every step of the way to do what I thought my family needed. I have had to defend myself against family, friends, the state, and society in general. But I have news for you: Jesus was homeschooled.
Here is my rant this week. Prepare yourself, it's a doozy.
I am plagued this week with the perspectives of other people. I am tired of being made to look like a fool...like a person with poor mothering skills. However, if your perspective is that public school is the only place that a person can gain an education, then it is very difficult to see the merits of one who chooses to homeschool. It seems that I am one of the proverbial crabs in a bucket, and all of the other mothers around me find themselves very pleased that I have "finally" put my daughter in public school. I feel very much like a crab pulled back into "my place." But I have a bone to pick:1) The premise behind government run schools is to create a mindless, brainless, uncreative society, in which freedom and even the desire for freedom is squashed and killed slowly. The leaders of this country, for the last several generations do not want thinkers in their midst. They want (and are creating) robots to follow their rules without questioning them. Their motive is to control us. Are they finding success at this endeavor? You better believe it, baby. Children in mainstream public schools are taught exactly what to think, they are kept in prison-like environments, they are denied the freedom to think and do. And yet our society depends on them so heavily that a person who chooses to keep their children home for school is mocked and ridiculed to a certain extent. Every conversation is riddled with accusing questions. I can't even count the number of times I have had to defend my choice.
2) Which brings me to this point: Is it not my right, as the mother of my children, to have the desire to keep them by my side? Is it so alien to love their company? How can that be wrong? shame on those mothers who say they are glad when their kids go to school. God sent them to YOU and only you to raise. Not to teachers. Not to school districts. Not to churches...YOU. You have a responsibility to them. You have a responsibility to GOD. Do not abdicate your rights as a parent. do not give it over to the state. What do you really need to do that is more important than bringing your children up right? It is not our job, moms, to make money, so stay home if you have the option. It is the ultimate calling, challenge, happiness and love to give your whole self to your children. And the world would be a better place if our children were schooled in life's many skills by those who loved them most.
3) You know, back to the crab in a bucket idea: my 12 year old daughter has been made to feel left out and invisible because she was not public schooled. In her mind now, in order to fit in you must conform, and it is what she wants to do more than anything in the world. She has been alienated, ignored and has not felt as welcome as she should. Is this how we really want our society to be? Do we shun those who are not like us? What if she was missing a limb? Or what if she couldn't hear? Do we then find justification to leave her out? Where are the kind of youth I read and hear about who sacrifice their imagined social standing to take in a friend who is wheelchair ridden or can not speak for themselves? Are we lacking youth who will create bridges of love and communication? Are prom night and fake fingernails all that really matters? How shallow have we become as a people?
4) That being said, I realize that her perspective is what matters in this case, as well. She believes that happiness will come at public school because all of her peers, in their limited perspectives, insist that, "OMG! School is so fun! The guys are so HOT! My butt looks so cute in these jeans! LOL. TTYL!" She is poisoned by the society that surrounds her. She longs for acceptance into a cult of vapid, boy-crazy adolescents. The media, the girls in her world, even some of her family members have made her feel like she is missing out on something essential to her upbringing...but in reality: are teenage girls really who she needs to be around as she forms her self-image? Is that really the best society for her? In my experience, girls at ages 12, 13 and 14 are cruel, self-centered, very crab-like. They rarely want to help each other feel good or succeed at anything. They are scarcity minded, and not very likely to remind her that she is a precious Daughter of God. Rather, she will find herself slinging mud, feeling fatter than so and so, or uglier than whats-her-name. She will be depressed if her shoes are not name brand or if she doesn't get asked on a date when her "friend" does. Being a female adolescent is a loveless, thankless station. It seems dangerous to me to entrust her with others who suffer from the same challenges as she will be. Alas, I believe in her freedom to choose, and I must practice that which I preach.
5) What would the world be like if homeschoolers were respected for their choice, and people who sent their kids to the public schools were likewise able to do what they believed was right? I have worked long and hard, fighting tooth and nail every step of the way to do what I thought my family needed. I have had to defend myself against family, friends, the state, and society in general. But I have news for you: Jesus was homeschooled.
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